i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
