just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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