If that was your dad, he is hot
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
