Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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