i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
