I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
