i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
