4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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