Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize