I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
