yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
