I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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