Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
