now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
