I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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