He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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