hell yes lets make some ravioli
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My cat gives me a boner
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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