it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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