My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
