he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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