Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
