My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
