i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
