you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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