made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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