What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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