when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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