my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
