saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
