I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
