The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
PANTIES FOUND
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