He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
