My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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