I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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