I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
