You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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