whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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