As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
