you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
