One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Damn victory sex feels great
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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