Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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