i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
