when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
