You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
