i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize