I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
