you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize