I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
