At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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