I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
