oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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