You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
