Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you inspire me to be a worse person
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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