tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just pee around me
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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