My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize