I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
