I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
