Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
