as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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