I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Plan B is the new Plan A
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
