My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
