So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Enjoy the penises
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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