I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
