operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
