i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
