is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
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