I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
