i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
