Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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