i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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