That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
