Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
